by Allison Danish, MPH

Sometimes sex can be daunting. But...smooching like a pooch can take the pressure off. Not convinced? Try the activity below :)

Going about sex like it’s a game of baseball is just...boring. And unrealistic. What, are we all 13 year old boys in 1986?

“I remember being in 10th grade Health Class and having to rank sexual acts in terms of how steamy they were and in what order they should occur. There was an answer key. Good job, school.”

Who does that work for?! What if you want to skip certain steps—like PIV (because it doesn’t feel good, isn’t physically possible, just isn’t on the menu today)? What if you want to go “out of order?” I mean, who says you can’t go from slow dancing, to making out, to touching butts and slow dancing? 

So, whether you’re just starting off with a new partner or you’ve been with a partner for years—this is a silly, low-stakes activity for going off-script and doing a little exploring.

The Rules Are Simple

1. Pick an activity
2. Pick an intensity
3. Set a timer for 2 minutes and do that activity at that intensity. Ask for adjustments. 
4. STOP! Do not continue. Once the 2 minutes are up, chat with your partner about how that felt. Take notes if that’s helpful to you! 
5. Repeat with a different activity, intensity, or your own modifications. Explore :)

Activities

1. The Long Lost Art of Kissing

We recommend: start with mouth to mouth (not CPR)! It can be surprisingly hard to remember to take the time to make out (especially when we feel pressure to do more). Making out can just be making out!

“I just found after 6 months of dating that my partner really likes tongue kissing. I had no idea! It’s so cool.”

“When my SO and I get on the auto-pilot foreplay track, sometimes we stop moving the rest of our bodies and just kiss. Like intensely. Everything else disappears.”

2. Reach Out and Touch Me

Feeling stressed? Frisky? Lazy? Great! For every emotion, there’s a touch for that. Pick an intensity, and also pick who’s the touch-er, who’s the touch-ee, and which body part. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. Two minutes goes fast :)

“When my partner and I are watching TV together, I love it when they softly run their hand through my hair—it makes me feel so cared for. But in the bedroom, I’d rather have my hair tugged. It’s all about context!”

“Sometimes when I’m not feeling super sexy, but I want to feel close to my partner, I’ll ask him to massage a specific part of my body for a couple minutes. My headspace is totally melty afterwards.” 

3. Breathe Like No One's Listening

This might sound a little silly (and you might sound like you’re in a hot yoga class), but it’s a great place to start! When you’re touching or smoochin’ on your partner, try different kinds of breathing. How does it make you feel?

“I’ve found that the way I’m breathing and how loudly I’m breathing really changes my mood. Sometimes just by breathing more heavily, I put myself in a sexier headspace, which totally changes the encounter.”

“Sometimes when my bf is doing stuff to me, I’ll remind myself that I don’t need to perform and just breathe 100% normally. It makes the whole sexy sensation so much more relaxing.”

It's the little things that count

The best part about this game is that it can be as small as a square inch of belly skin. You’d be surprised by how sensual simplicity can be. But it’s up to you. You write the answer key.

For more ideas, play around with:

• Pacing (like you’re an old man doing Tai Chi in a park, like a baby sea turtle making its way to the ocean for the first time :’), like Sonic the Hedgehog)
• Music choices (Enya, lofi hip hop, our super catchy sexual empowerment playlist...)
• Friendly additions (lube, Ohnut (sorry, sorry, we know), gluten free jojoba oil from your local apothecary—please don’t put this in vaginas)

Now, go play :)

And let us know what else you’d add to the list in the comments below!