Great Grinding & Playful Pleasure Without Penetration (Or Entry Pain!)
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Time to read 5 min
Why outercourse is out-of-this-world.
Great sex isn't just what you do — it's your approach to it and your curiosity about what feels good.
When you let go of the expectation of penetration, and play with the outside, it can be just as hot and hip-to-hip — without inserting anything.
When penetration isn't what you're in the mood for, hurts more than what feels good, or is exactly what the doctor ordered not to do, sexual intimacy doesn't have to stop entirely.
If you're feeling spicy but just don't want to get it in, focusing on outercourse exploration can make an ecstatic difference.
Table of Contents
What Is Outercourse?
Let's define outercourse in contrast to intercourse.
The media (and sometimes medical literature) tends to portray sex as touch that involves penetration and exchange of body fluids: penis-in-vagina, penis-in-anus, fingering, and oral sex.
And while those activities can feel incredibly intimate for some, others might find that definition of sex limiting or just not in line with their favorite ways to play in the bedroom.
Outercourse is a broad term for non-penetrative genital stimulation — which could range from grinding (like the knee thing) to wet humping (like sliding the penis between the labia majora without entering).
But just as intercourse often involves more than genital contact, so does outercourse. To some people, outercourse can also feel soul-snatching when paired with skin-to-skin touch, kissing, arms draped over shoulders, eye contact, running fingers through each other's hair, and other little things that add a lot to the experience.
Who Are Outercourse & Grinding For?
From a pleasure perspective, grinding can be great for, well, potentially anyone who loves external stimulation: bumping, grinding, slipping, sliding on the outside.
When many people with vulvas crave clitoral sensations to reach orgasm — and those with penises also often need outer rubbing — that means that outercourse can be enjoyable for a wide range of bodies.
Humping without insertion might be especially appealing in situations where someone wants pleasurable play, but:
- Penetration can feel painful or otherwise vulnerable
- They want to lower their chances of infection
- They're not in the mood (or the setting) to take their clothes off
- They're so frantic for action that they just want to get going the moment they're alone together (valid!)
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It can be done in many ways, including teasing and pleasing one partner, or stimulating two (or more) parties at once.
Some forms of outercourse also straddle (no pun intended) the line and mimic the mechanics (like positions and sensations) of intercourse.
What might that look like in practice? Let's skim several delectable varieties.
Grinding Glossary & Ways to Play
The simplest way to break down ways to ride and grind is to ask: what's grinding against what? It could be genitals on genitals or on something else.
Many ways to play without penetration have their own formal (and some informal) names:
- Frottage: general rubbing, including penis-to-vulva without penetration, vulva-to-vulva, and penis-to-penis
- Tribbing: vulva-on-vulva, also known in slang terms as "scissoring," though some members of the queer community prefer "tribadism," which shares the same root word as "syntribation," or rubbing one's legs together for indirect clitoral stimulation
- Intercrural: penis between thighs, which can also incorporate clitoral pressure
- Intergluteal: penis between butt cheeks, without anal penetration
- Docking: one penis's foreskin wrapping around the glans of another penis
And, on the flipside, some grinding activities are described in simpler terms:
- "The knee thing": one partner pushing their knee or thigh against another's clitoris or penis
- Grinding the clitoris against the pubic bone: can include tribadism between vulva owners; a penis-owner and a vulva-owner together; or combined with penetration
- Sliding the penis between the labia without penetration
- Sliding the penis between the labia and a hand, potentially for added pressure
You get the idea: there isn't really one right way to grind. There's just what feels good for the person (or people) being pleasured, which means the penis or clitoris against a wide range of body parts — or against props.
Incorporating Props & Panache
Of course, bodies aren't the only tools for amazing outercourse.
For one, lube can still be luxe here! When wet humping, lube reduces friction and enhances sliding sensations, which might feel good even if nothing is inserted.
Further, sexual play doesn't have to be penis-in-vagina, and it doesn't have to be penis-on-vagina or even directly on genitals, either. Consider the following add-ons that can enhance the experience for some riders:
- Grinding on a belt buckle or other clothing hardware: penis-on-vulva grinding can feel great, but so can grinding on something more focused and rigid nearby
- Pillow and blanket humping: super common! Some shops even make silicone grinders with straps to wrap around a pillow — or a partner's thigh.
- Putting a massager between partners: "couples' toys" don't have to be small clitoral vibrators to put between bodies during missionary. Even something bigger and bulkier, like a wand, can add to the sensations for both parties.
- Tactile textures: consider putting a beaded necklace or bracelet inside a glove, then lubing up the outside for slipping between bodies. (Of course, you could invest in a textured stroker for the same effect.)
When you start thinking creatively about ways to apply pressure, focus, and ways to fit together like puzzle pieces, the options are all but endless.
Making Outercourse Work for You
Penetration is just one way to connect with a partner — all kinds of ways to touch can feel soul-snatchingly satisfying and deeply intimate. When you combine outercourse with the other aspects of sex that make intercourse mind-melding — like arms around each other, or hands along each other’s faces, or syncing shuddering breaths — you might find grinding with clothes on explosive in its own way.
Outercourse = non-penetrative stimulation that can feel just as good as intercourse.
Many bodies prefer external pressure + friction, making grinding a go-to for pleasure and closeness.
Props, lube, clothing, and toys can amplify sensations, whether dry humping, frottage, tribbing, or sliding.
Penetration isn't required for connection—touch, closeness, and creativity can make outercourse unforgettable.
The Author || Cy (Super Smash Cache)
Cy has reviewed over 400 sex toys on her blog, Super Smash Cache, comparing them to bring readers the best fit for their bodies. Beautiful experiences and big, bold orgasms happen in so many ways; shoppers deserve the best that Toyland has to offer.
Beyond the toys, her pleasure pep talks start with integrating the mind, breath, and body — and knowing that you deserve to feel good and cared for. It’s the headspace from where you say “no” or “heck yes” — to life on your terms and to expanding ecstasy everywhere.
