How to Talk to Your Partner About Lube (If They're Lube-Hesitant)
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Time to read 4 min
Lube is often the missing element of sex that can make all the difference. (You know—like that one ingredient your great-grandmother refuses to give you for her signature ragu.) Whether you’re experiencing pain and dryness or just want to enhance sensation, adding a little lube can go a long way in improving your sexual experiences.
Incorporating lube into your sexual routine can bring a new level of intimacy and pleasure to your relationship. It’s a simple and easy way to:
- Explore new sensations
- Bring excitement back into the bedroom
- Talk about and be open about sex with your partner—and that can be a huge turn-on
Lube is also incredibly versatile and can be used in a variety of ways. You can try incorporating it into your favorite sex positions or try out a new position that you’ve always wanted to try. The added sensation and glide that lube provides can make even the most difficult positions feel effortless and enjoyable.
Another benefit of using lube is that it can help reduce pain and discomfort during sex. For some people, especially those with certain medical conditions, sex can be painful or uncomfortable. Lube can help reduce friction and make sex more comfortable for everyone involved. This can also help increase sexual pleasure and make sex a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
It’s also important to mention that lube is not just for penetrative sex. It can be used during solo play, sex acts involving your hands, frottage (aka rubbing up on each other), etc. Adding a little lube to your favorite sex toy can also enhance your solo play experiences. The possibilities are endless when it comes to using lube, and the more you experiment, the more you’ll discover what works best for you and your partner.
However, encouraging a lube-hesitant partner to give it a try can be a challenge. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! Here are some tips to help you broach the topic.
Table of Contents
1. Start the conversation
The first step in getting your partner to use lube is to start the conversation. This can be a bit awkward at first, but it’s important to remember that communication is key when it comes to sex. You can start by asking questions about their experiences and if they have ever used lube before. If they haven’t, share your own experiences and how it has enhanced your sexual experiences. If they are still hesitant, share some of the benefits of using lube, such as reducing friction and discomfort during penetrative sex, and increasing pleasure and sensation.
It’s also important to remember that everyone’s sexual experiences are different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Encourage your partner to keep an open mind about trying new things in the bedroom.
2. Address concerns
One of the biggest concerns people have about lube is that it will make sex feel less natural. However, this is not the case. In fact, lube can make sex feel even better than it does without it. If this is your partner’s perspective, explain to them that lube can actually enhance their sensations and make sex more enjoyable.
Another concern some people have is the idea that you shouldn’t “need” lube—that if the person with a vagina is turned on enough, then they’ll produce enough lubrication on their own. But that’s not always the case!
Our bodies naturally produce less lubrication as we age, when we’re experiencing arousal non-concordance (i.e. my brain is into it but my body isn’t responding the way I expect it to), or due to certain medications and medical conditions. Using lube can help counteract this and make sex more comfortable for everyone involved.
3. Experiment together
One of the best ways to get your partner to try lube is to experiment together. Buy a variety of lubes with different textures and sensations, and try them out during sex to see what feels best for both of you. (Bonus points if you shop from a sex positive sex shop or even make it a field trip for you and your partner to go in person!)
Keep in mind that lube generally comes in one of three forms: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. Water-based lubes are safe to use with condoms and sex toys, while silicone-based lubes are long-lasting and great for anal play, but typically shouldn’t be used with silicone toys. Oil-based lubes are not recommended for use with condoms as they can weaken the material, but are great for massage. Try out different lubes and find the one that works best for you and your partner.
4. Be patient
If your partner is still hesitant about using lube, don’t give up. It can take time to change someone’s perspective on a new product or idea, so be patient. Keep the conversation going and continue to educate them on the benefits of lube through gentle encouragement.
However, if it seems like lube is really a no-go for your partner, be respectful of that boundary. It’s okay to explore the “why” behind that discomfort, but everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to sex and it’s important to respect each other’s choices.
Lube is a simple and effective way to enhance your sexual experiences and make sex more enjoyable for everyone involved. Starting the conversation, addressing concerns, experimenting together, and exercising patience are all great ways to encourage your partner to give lube a try. So go ahead, grab that bottle of lube and get talking about it!
Lube can boost pleasure, reduce discomfort, and make sex feel smoother, easier, and more intimate.
Talking openly about using lube helps clear up myths, address concerns, and create space for honest communication.
Exploring different types of lube together can help you both find what feels best.
The Author || Emma McGowan
Emma is the Editor in Chief of the sex positive sexual health site Sexual + Being and the sex tech website Kink&Code. Emma McGowan also previously did freelance blogging and content editing for a startups.
Additionally, Emma McGowan's hobbies include making patterns and sewing, connecting with other women, and reading at least three books a week. Emma speaks Spanish fluently and spent her 20s traveling and living around the world. Her favorite places to live are Guatemala and Argentina and she hopes to never stop traveling. Follow her on Twitter @MissEmmaMcG.
